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3 things you can do to help your return after maternity leave
I knew returning to leadership after maternity leave would be hard. I just didn't know how hard.
We are sold the fairy tale that, as independent women, we can have it all. No problem.
And I knew returning to work after maternity leave would be challenging. People told me.
But being told something is one thing and actually living it is another.
I, for one, found it brutal.
I was a senior leader in a school, juggling teaching, managing the day-to-day, leading a team and somehow finding time for strategic work. Then I'd come home to a little one who needed me just as much.
I loved my career and I loved being a mum. But trying to give my best to both took its toll.
If you've ever watched Michelle Wolf's comedy sketch about women having it all, you'll know exactly what I mean!
And while things are moving forward, many workplaces still aren't set up to fully support mothers returning to work. I was fortunate to have a wonderful Headteacher who understood the pressures and made adjustments where possible. Not everyone has that support.
So, what can we do?
I can't wave a magic wand and make it easy. It isn't. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth it.
Here are three things that helped me manage the competing demands.
1. Protect your sleep where you can
Sleep deprivation is debilitating, and when you have a little one, a full night's sleep isn't always within your control.
But there may be small things you can do to protect the rest you get.
For me, it was thinking about how to manage night wake ups. It was ten minutes of yoga before bed, guided sleep meditation and rain noise through the night. I also learnt to put my phone away and stick to a bedtime.
Find what works for you and your family. Don't worry too much about doing things 'by the book'.
2. Set boundaries and make peace with them
Mum guilt, partner guilt, work guilt. They're real.
One thing I learnt was that I needed a little space between my different roles.
By the end of a noisy, busy school day, I was so overstimulated that I couldn't even listen to music. On my drive home, I'd turn off the radio, make no calls and sit in silence. Sometimes I'd take another five minutes before going into the house.
That small transition helped me leave work behind and be (slightly) more present at home.
Bedtime with my little one was another boundary. No phone. No emails. It wasn't a huge part of the day, but it was precious.
And I stopped working after bedtime.
That meant accepting that some emails would remain unread and tasks unfinished. But the truth was, there was always more to do anyway.
Working late affected my sleep, which affected the following day. I had to decide what mattered most.
3. Choose the one thing that will make the biggest difference
When time is tight and your to-do list feels endless, it's easy to spend the day being busy without feeling you've achieved anything.
Try taking a few minutes each morning to ask yourself:
'If I achieve just one thing today, what will make the biggest difference?'
Of course, there will be meetings and commitments you can't avoid. But where possible, protect some time to focus on that one thing.
And at the end of the day, acknowledge what you've achieved rather than focusing only on what's left undone.
final thought
You shouldn't have to choose between being a mother and being ambitious about your career. But sometimes, the demands of work and family life make it feel that way.
There isn't one solution that works for everyone. Your circumstances, priorities and support systems are your own.
So, I'd invite you to take five minutes today to reflect.
What's one small change you could make that would have the biggest positive impact on your day?
It doesn't have to change everything. It just has to make a difference to you.
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